o man have a i got a darren story for you.  its a little more detailed than you're used to, but its so darren that i have to share it.  also, the quotes are not literal, but as best as i could recall

so i went on a 4th or 5th date with a girl last night.  but i have to set up the story a bit better.  i met this girl at a dance club maybe a month or so ago.  she was the maid of honor it turned out at the bacholette party that was going on at the Kong.  we were dancing and i realized she was a good swing dancer, so i got her number and invited her to go west coast swing dancing with me.  so i took her on that tuesday.  in parrallel, i had been trying to get my kickball friends to go dancing.  4 of them showed up the same day.  i was ecstatic.  we all had a great time and i walked her home after my friend katie drove us to the T and made another date and it was great.

zoom forward.  i had been texting this girl about dancing and dinner when i eventually get a text that says something of the effect of "just so you know, we're not doing any messing around tonight".  now, this freaks me out.  all spooked.  we had done some making out at the end of the last date and i had done the best i could to read the signs.  when it seemed like she said she wanted to leave it at that and i didn't go further. but from this text, i started to wonder if i did something inappropriate

we go on the date, i'm spooked but ready to figure it out.  i am having a great time and learned an amazing drink from the bartender (green monster [not the one with monster energy drink]: malibu, vanilla vodka, midori.  amazingly delicious)  anyways, the date is going well, except this other girl is talking to me a lot.  i don't know how to get rid of her.  i'm not going to say get lost, cause i'm too nice. The following happens over the course of a dance and then standing and talking during a second song.  maybe 7 or 8 minutes.  [even i know this is not what i should be doing on a date, but like i said, i'm too polite to say go away]

in an effort to make it clear i'm trying to leave, i tell him i'm moving to california.  

she starts asking why.  i panic cause i'm not actually moving to california.  so i say "to go back for a masters degree in engineering".  (which is what i've been telling people to avoid having to explain what the hell my dual degree thing is).  

random girl:     "where in california"

darren:   (fuck, now i have to tell her a school)  "UCSD"

girl:   "o cool, what kind of engineering"

darren:   "mechanical"

girl:   "o what type"

darren:   (shit, now i have to pick a masters concentration. pick something she prolly won't know anything about so we can move on) "nanotechnology"

girl:   "o awesome, they do that at my company"

darren:   (FUCK.  how do i get rid of her.  also, why didn't i meet you 4 weeks ago?) "o, tell me about where you work"

girl:   "Lincoln Labs"

(FUCK.  THATS TOTALLY A PLACE I WOULD LOVE A CONNECTION TO GET A JOB AT IN THE FUTURE.  AND NOW I"VE SET UP A SERIES OF ALMOST TRUTHS.  FUCK)

also, i want her to be gone.  so i let her tell me about her work.  of course its fucking awesome and i would love to work at this company, then i could live in boston and get paid well and be near my NYC friends and get to have my east coast time.  so i'm torn between saying get lost and developing enough of a relation to be able to ask for an introduction when i apply to this company in a year.  its not that hard a decision.  1 more week with date-girl, or a connection to lincoln labs.  i stay talking to this woman.  

this is a great time to ask for a business card, and get out of there.  i do.  but then she asks if i'm going dancing on thursday.  i am, (and i maybe should have done this earlier but then i wouldn't have gotten a contact to LL, i say) "i have to get back to my date."

she says great, then i'll see you thursday  (at this point, this is great.  i won't have a date, i can sit her down and explain in my haste to get back to my date i made up some lies and she'll be upset but then we'll hopefully laugh about it and i'll have a connection to lincoln labs. )

i immediately go back to date girl and i'm really upfront with the her and say that.  "look, this other girl just gave me her number and i didn't know how to get rid of her. i'm sorry about that"
later, when we're walking to the bus stop she says, 'you should take that girl out', i just about stop in my tracks.  okay, now i'm all fucking confused.  she didn't make a deal about it earlier, i thought the night was going well.  i've danced with her maybe 30 or 40% of the songs.  been flirty.  i was planning on giving her a goodnight kiss and then a 'well i wish i was staying in the area so we could see this through'.  but now i wasn't sure if i was even on track for a kiss.  was i even on a date with her?  what's going on?

i say, "no, i'm out with you right now"
her:  "is this a date?"
okay, hold up, what the hell?
me:   "ok hold on.  lets clear this up.  this is our like, fourth date"
her:  "well, not really.  i never really got the sense you were interested.  the first time we went dancing didn't count cause you invited the other people.  then you didn't pay for my dinner the second time."
me:   "ya, but when you showed up to dancing with your friend i was trying to make clear i wanted to see you.  and i'm not even counting that time.  and then how about when we went out with your friends and then i drove you home and then we were making out. that had to have been a date."
her:   "ya, that one was, but every other time i've hung out with you i get mixed signals.  first you're into me.  which was great.  then you show up with friends. and go dancing with other girls.  and we got a ride home from your friend katie instead of leaving on our own.  you never made any moves until that wednesday.  you didn't wait for me to go inside when you drove me home.  you didn't remember things i had said to you. frankly you were showing me you just wanted to be friends who go dancing.  which sucked cause i was really into you from the start.  Except that wednesday.  and then that went way to fast" (what!?  i've been training all summer at flirting and have been instructed to ABC - always be closing, which is something i have a terrible time doing because i don't work that fast because it makes me uncomfortable.  furthermore, WHAT too fast, uh oh what did i do?)

at this point i start to explain how i'm not very perceptive and tact isn't my strong suit.  and how i have a crappy memory.  and i'm a really caring person, i apologize if i did something inappropriate on the wednesday.  i was dating in the only way i knew how, by being my dense, tactless, self.   i had thought what i was doing was giving the signs.

suddenly she says, "here, like this.  i know you're interested in me, you have to show me."  she caresses my head.  "more contact means interest"
"but i don't want to just start touching you"
"you'll know if she doesn't want it"

<this post is turning into a novel, i'm sorry, i'll start summarizing>


we spend the next 15 minutes with her trying to critique my dating skills.  do this, not that.  you can't say this, etc.  i skip getting on my bus.  the whole thing was fairly uncomfortable, but i stayed because it was so surreal, like we were in a play and broke the fourth wall and filled the audience in on the story.

when her bus was coming, i get up to give her a hug.  even the densest of dense can tell i have sky rocketed into the friend zone.  i'm the master of friend zone. i had invited her on monday to go dancing again on thursday, but she declined.  so as we left I said, "well, i don't know when next i'll see you. but i've had fun with you and i learned that i suck at this.  i wish i had more time to see things out with you"
 she immediately did the i'm interested caress that she just taught me and said  "well, i'll see you thursday right".
"um, ya, i'm going dancing if you want to join"
"then see you there"
 then i let her walk onto the bus and i watch it leave

this morning i wondered if i should have tried to kiss her.  i'm all mixed up about where we stand.  but really, it doesn't matter, what matters is the following

whereas before i've thought girls are too complicated, and stupid, now i realize, no, I'M the stupid one.  if i am too tactless to keven, too dense to understand stephanie, peri has all but copyrighted the "oh darren (shaking head)" phrase ->  it must be me.  i can think of a million times E and i miscommunicated and i'm now sure it was my fault.  thats why i instituted the 'if ever you need something, you have to be 100% frank with darren, or you might as well expect him to do it wrong' policy.  i'm an amazingly nice person, but i'm not tactful and i'm extremely clueless.  but now i have two huge datapoints on that.  last night, and when E told me she wished during our relationship i had been more affectionate in the following sense.  'i wish when we were out, people knew i was your girlfriend and not just a friend'.  that nearly broke my heart.  just crushed me.  but, i don't need to get into that right now.  what happened last night was virtually the same thing.  pay attention to me to indicate its a date
lesson learned, i have to get better at directed affection and not this messy darren affection.


holy crap that was a long post.  i thought it was too juicy to gloss over.  but i'm a little nervous putting it online.  whatever, you guys are my friends.