I have a theory. check it out
when i go dancing, i go alone. I don't know who's going to be there. I hope for a room full of hotties, but generally, its old couples and randos. but as long as there are good dancers, i always have fun. I attribute this to my original dance rules: 1) if we (my partner and I) don't fall down, its a success 2) more laughing = more fun 3) whenever possible, let the woman be sexy (this is key. don't get in her way. very key).
so, thats great. generally people love dancing with me because i'm so low key and enthusiastic and such. as i've said many times, the old ladies love me. i'm nonthreatening to them, and they let me be silly, its wonderful.
On monday, i found my new wcs spot. (i can't remember if I've mentioned I have moved back to the Bay Area. I did though). it has a really great range of dancers, lots of fun exciting people, and a pretty good lesson where I picked up some things. so i'm dancing along, having fun. and i come to a realization.
just like in an ecosystem, a dance floor has a keystone species. That is, there is a species from which the entire network connects to. for dancing, this can be recognized as the oldest young girl at the event. here's why. as a young person, i'm always looking to dance with young girls. they're so scarce, its a treat when they exist. (as i've touched on in previous entries, young people don't do partner dancing. theres no place for it in clubs and so its just not a thing. further, single girls would never go alone to a dance lesson/event. think about how hard it is to go places and be alone in general, now imagine doing it in a setting with shared personal space, strange men. just doesn't happen. i get it) so when they're there, its a wonderful thing.
however, the young girls are also attractive dance partners for old guys too. i can't describe it, but somehow dancing does attract weird old guys. most all of them are nice, but often they're really good at dancing, have a sort of swagger, and would be the sorts of strangers i'd be nervous about intially. now, they're all cool eventually, but first impression are what they are. however, being maybe past their prime, they want to feel young, and so they want to dance with the young gals too. i don't doubt its also that young girls at dance events must be good or they'd not have come at all. so the guys want to dance with great dancers. i get that, i do too.
so, the potential character to be the center of the dance network are young girls. however, i notice its generally the oldest of the set of young girls. she never gets to sit down. everyone wants to dance with here. i presume this fact is because the old dudes don't want to be seen as mingling too young and the young guys like older women maybe. i don't know, i just observe and hypothesize.
I should also mention. beauty and looks play very minimally into this. although i'm making gross assumptions for this entire argument, the following is my own opinion. while i'd love to dance with a hottie, i'll dance with a great dancer over a hot beginner any day. Dancing with sean (a crazy good dancer from dartmouth) can be more fun than a leading a first timer.
SO, back to the theory. having been versed in Game theory, i decided to try and dance with the secondary keystone dancer. genius right? still a young, great follower, but less hard to get a hold of than the alpha keystone girl.
man i'm smart. whoosh
however, as luck would have it, she was a total brat. she didn't really want to dance, that was clear the second we started dancing. i was pulling out all my moves, my laughing, everything. I can truly say i've never danced with someone who made the dance not enjoyable. until this dance. it was astounding.
so what i realized was. fuck her. i'm a ton of fun to dance with. great, you're not hurting my feelings by declining to dance with me, you're just wearing lead boots and a droopy-angsty-hat the whole dance through. sweet deal.
after this i danced with the keystone girl and guess what. she was amazing. so my theory was proven, but my cheat failed. or maybe i'm reading too much into nothing.
also, i seem to do a lot of "oh damn, i'm really a cool dude and who cares what these silly girls think" realizations and then get scared back into taking things personally. this is why i'm going out tomorrow and being boisterous. thats the plan.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Week 1
Went dancing on Friday night. hardly any young people. my single guy theory is spot on. two parts: first, young people don't go partner dancing without some reason. second, even if they did go, the only way that young girls go is with a boy. think about it. its hard enough to be brave to do individual things as is, but as a girl, going to a seemingly intimate activity, alone? no way. while a bummer, thats ok. without cute girl distractions, i get to work on my dancing. and i'm getting a lot better. i (re)learned about phrases in music last last week. that is, when i was young and played the piano, i know that music progressed in phrases and choruses. and i still knew that. but someone pointed out that music has up and down beats, and more importantly it has stingers, or stressed beats often in the fifth beat. also, phrases have normal structure. what this amounts to is that I'm now trying to time my moves with hits and stings. and when it works, man does it look good.
what i really need is a steady dance partner. i had one at Dartmouth but didn't have time to practice. but now i want to really get better. from this point I have to get so pulling moves is brainless, that way I'm only thinking about hitting beats.
also, i started salsa dancing. that is awesome too! completely different moves but also different music. i loved it! not only that, theres tons of videos showing moves and techniques just like for west coast swing.
the only issue with all of this is that its all individual stuff. i'm not going to make friends doing this. but as long as its still fun, thats not a big deal. for now at least.
what i really need is a steady dance partner. i had one at Dartmouth but didn't have time to practice. but now i want to really get better. from this point I have to get so pulling moves is brainless, that way I'm only thinking about hitting beats.
also, i started salsa dancing. that is awesome too! completely different moves but also different music. i loved it! not only that, theres tons of videos showing moves and techniques just like for west coast swing.
the only issue with all of this is that its all individual stuff. i'm not going to make friends doing this. but as long as its still fun, thats not a big deal. for now at least.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
sharing
i like sharing things. i liked sharing my legos when i was little. i liked sharing chocolate and donuts in high school / college. i like sharing my quirky thoughts about life when they happen. i can see the appeal of twitter in this regard. often times i have zany thoughts that, were roles reversed, i know i would want to be included on these thoughts from person X's life. and i assume once in a blue moon my friends would like hearing my such thoughts. twitter is maybe that post-it board of thoughts. or, thats the first time i've seen value to having a twitter. because A, i think out loud in WAY too many words on this blog for you to actually read thru, even i know that. so 150 characters is a succinct sort of way to share but not over share. and B, it lets you choose when you listen and stop listening in on those thoughts.
so, in the same way, i think i'm scared about moving to another new world (city, friends, school, girls) because the prospect of sharing is so hard not in person. with a roommate, i can catch him at dinner and say, "david, how many people in the world right now are sneezing?" and we can discuss. i can't share that with someone any other way. and thats what makes not having a 24-7 buddy, be it roommate, girl friend, family member, tough.
and, its not only not having the person on demand which is unfortunate. its the fact that so many things come up in life that I KNOW my who-ever would want to hear about. my ex would love to hear about this. or my best friend from college would love see this video. and as i think i've posted about before, theres nothing better than being around someone who is passionate about something. I just love hearing people excited about things. and while i can post on their wall the thing Y or video Z, its not the same because you don't get to sit there and share the moment.
ok, again i'm rambling. wrap up time
I use this blog for mostly three reasons.
sharing crazy darren thoughts or adventures that i think will be funny for my network to laugh at
documenting the hilarity that is darren trying to figure out dating.
mentioning cool realizations i have about my life and the people around me for me to remember later
so, in my most round-about way of saying things, here's what i realized.
sharing is amazing. but i should be better at enjoying things without having to share them. i don't know why i need everything i do to be appreciated by someone else. its a crutch on independence.
so, darren, go on a hike and don't tell anyone. or get a phone number and keep it a secret. thats a good one, keep a secret of any kind.
[this is ironic because i'm sharing this with you in a blog, but whatever, i vacillate between writing the blog for you and for me. but, whatever]
so, in the same way, i think i'm scared about moving to another new world (city, friends, school, girls) because the prospect of sharing is so hard not in person. with a roommate, i can catch him at dinner and say, "david, how many people in the world right now are sneezing?" and we can discuss. i can't share that with someone any other way. and thats what makes not having a 24-7 buddy, be it roommate, girl friend, family member, tough.
and, its not only not having the person on demand which is unfortunate. its the fact that so many things come up in life that I KNOW my who-ever would want to hear about. my ex would love to hear about this. or my best friend from college would love see this video. and as i think i've posted about before, theres nothing better than being around someone who is passionate about something. I just love hearing people excited about things. and while i can post on their wall the thing Y or video Z, its not the same because you don't get to sit there and share the moment.
ok, again i'm rambling. wrap up time
I use this blog for mostly three reasons.
sharing crazy darren thoughts or adventures that i think will be funny for my network to laugh at
documenting the hilarity that is darren trying to figure out dating.
mentioning cool realizations i have about my life and the people around me for me to remember later
so, in my most round-about way of saying things, here's what i realized.
sharing is amazing. but i should be better at enjoying things without having to share them. i don't know why i need everything i do to be appreciated by someone else. its a crutch on independence.
so, darren, go on a hike and don't tell anyone. or get a phone number and keep it a secret. thats a good one, keep a secret of any kind.
[this is ironic because i'm sharing this with you in a blog, but whatever, i vacillate between writing the blog for you and for me. but, whatever]
Friday, June 14, 2013
family size
who buys family size shampoo. well, i do.
but heres what i realized. this makes no sense. either, you are a family of 3, 4, maybe 5, using the exact same shampoo and its gone in no time. thats stupid. it's not like its a bucket-full.
furthermore, you have the same smelling hair as your wife and children. i love my hair smelling good. but i even MORE love the smell of a girl's hair. and they can't be the same. that would ruin everything. EVERYTHING o, honey, your hair smells... like ... mine.... FAIL.
furthermore, i'm sure some families all share the same shower, but not all of them. so in that regard it doesn't make sense. you can't walk between showers and share shampoo. and if all the family shares the same shower, imagine how croweded that shower would get. not in people, but in products. I KNOW those girlies all have tons of products. i like a nice clean shower where i don't have to avoid stepping on things.
this leads me to my real point. family size shampoo makes no sense. not for families - as described above, and not for individuals. for me, i want my hair to smell different on occasions, and if i buy the family size, its effectively an extra month or whatever of coconut or lavender (love me the lavender!). but its so compelling. extra product for free.
so what am i to do? I think, next time i'll try a regular size bottle and time how long it lasts, and see where i end up.
but heres what i realized. this makes no sense. either, you are a family of 3, 4, maybe 5, using the exact same shampoo and its gone in no time. thats stupid. it's not like its a bucket-full.
furthermore, you have the same smelling hair as your wife and children. i love my hair smelling good. but i even MORE love the smell of a girl's hair. and they can't be the same. that would ruin everything. EVERYTHING o, honey, your hair smells... like ... mine.... FAIL.
furthermore, i'm sure some families all share the same shower, but not all of them. so in that regard it doesn't make sense. you can't walk between showers and share shampoo. and if all the family shares the same shower, imagine how croweded that shower would get. not in people, but in products. I KNOW those girlies all have tons of products. i like a nice clean shower where i don't have to avoid stepping on things.
this leads me to my real point. family size shampoo makes no sense. not for families - as described above, and not for individuals. for me, i want my hair to smell different on occasions, and if i buy the family size, its effectively an extra month or whatever of coconut or lavender (love me the lavender!). but its so compelling. extra product for free.
so what am i to do? I think, next time i'll try a regular size bottle and time how long it lasts, and see where i end up.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
BYF Revival
hello world.
in order to keep myself active in the coming summer, i guess i'll start the blog up again.
i've done some pretty awesome things over the past 8 months. i found my engineering passion, or at least the academic field. I fell in love with control engineering. i built an electric race car. it won the electric division of formula hybrid. that was pretty amazing. i built an autonomous sail boat. it could navigate up and downwind and to gps marks you set for it. i got into grad school. i'm going to UCLA for control and robotics. that should be exciting.
i'm not living in boston anymore though. thats going to be tough. I had such an amazing time there, its hard to imagine anything comparing. For now, I'll be living in the bay area. until i figure out housing in LA. Maybe I'll crash at a friend's house.
I'm also building an android app. I don't know anything about android for the most part, but i figure it can't be too hard.
We'll see how i do keeping up the blog. I don't envsion excitement like last summer, so it might just dwindle. we'll see though.
in order to keep myself active in the coming summer, i guess i'll start the blog up again.
i've done some pretty awesome things over the past 8 months. i found my engineering passion, or at least the academic field. I fell in love with control engineering. i built an electric race car. it won the electric division of formula hybrid. that was pretty amazing. i built an autonomous sail boat. it could navigate up and downwind and to gps marks you set for it. i got into grad school. i'm going to UCLA for control and robotics. that should be exciting.
i'm not living in boston anymore though. thats going to be tough. I had such an amazing time there, its hard to imagine anything comparing. For now, I'll be living in the bay area. until i figure out housing in LA. Maybe I'll crash at a friend's house.
I'm also building an android app. I don't know anything about android for the most part, but i figure it can't be too hard.
We'll see how i do keeping up the blog. I don't envsion excitement like last summer, so it might just dwindle. we'll see though.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Blog status
Never got any comments about my blog over my two week hiatus. I think this means I'll retire the blog for a while.I still have my goals and aspirations for the quarter (survive) but i guess i don't need to talk about it if no one is out there demanding content. I had thought the blog would be good to stay connected with people but i guess it's awkward for people to talk back to a blog.makes sense i suppose. O well.unless i have other inspiration I'll pick up the blog again for next summer.i
Monday, August 20, 2012
Well, i'm leaving boston this morning. i'll give you a proper update when i'm in california, sitting on the shore of beautiful lake tahoe.
*EDIT*
summer in review
this summer, i wanted to accomplish the following things
(in order of importance)
A) get over my sorrow of leaving college. friends are great and they'll be great when i see them next, but i needed boston people. make friends and have fun with them in and around boston
B) have the city experiance i've always wanted to have, even if i'm not in NYC. take the subway places, go on adventures, swim in the atlantic, do some shit
c) get up to a semiproficient or perhaps moderately functional level at meeting and flirting and persuing girls. get comfortable getting numbers, asking them on dates, making advances, and if the stars alligned, have a one night stand. just cause i never believed i had the capacity to do it.
d) develop skills and find out if small company work is what i want to do. do a project big enough to feel like i contributed. get paid enough to buy a nice camera by the end of the summer. then go take some amazing boston photos and really get into photography as a hobby
e) make friends with the ex girl, as a sign of being fully moved on
f) don't die in the big city
lets see where i ended up
F was a resounding success, though there were a couple nights it couldve gone either way
E was a failure, but thats okay, i can at least recognize that deep feelings take a while to pass. still would like them to pass faster, but i can realize whats going on. this one will come
D was pretty good. of all the ways the internship could have gone, i am extremely happy about it. i got some good small lessons out of it, but primarily it reaffirmed that i want to start a company that changes the world for some group of people. money will come i'm not worried, but working for a company that was developing a medical device that could save peoples lives as opposed to help them grow a virtual cow and buy a virtual plow to clean its virtual crap - i don't want anything to do with that. even if it does supposedly maybe make them a tiny bit happier. the job helped me realize what sorts of things i have left to learn from school and how critical going back is, even if i really don't want to. oh, i spent way way too much money over the course of the summer to buy the camera. but it was worth it. i don't have photos, but i wouldn't have had the memories of which to capture
i'm going to skip C for a second
B was another complete and total success. i rode the bus to virtually everywhere. by the end of the summer i had actually stopped using my car for everything. i bussed for groceries, to the dance place, to kickball, everything. i love boston for having cambridge and then having boston. downtown boston, while not even 1/2 manhattan, gave me the dense area of a big city, even if in a tiny tiny part. cambridge gave me the middlesize city where there are sections of just 2 story houses that you can take a breather at while walking around the bustle. i know manhattan well enough to know its gogogo and you have to adjust to it. i would love to live there someday, but i think boston was a good stepping stone to that. there were peripheral parks that i came upon and squares for sitting around in (boston is the city of squares i like say, because everything revolves around a square).
A friends. ha. no one will replace the kevens and peri's of my life. but the jun and the doctor now have special spots too. just to name a few. i was the baby of the group, and got called on it many times, but found that these 10 or 15 new buddies were fun and exciting and their age meant nothing. now, did it mean caitlyn never felt threatened by me? yes, but in truth most girls realize i'm a friendzone master and feel unthreatened just the same. my friends this summer were 25-31 for the most part. and the only time i ever thought about that fact was when they made fun of ME for being young. these were just my buddies. and boy did we have some crazy times. they helped me get over the dispare of not having my closest 20 friends within a 10 minute walk in any direction. they could be a 20 minute commute and it worked out just fine, so long as everyone is willing to meet up. i think only 1 or 2 times ALL FUCKING SUMMER did i say, no, i'm too tired to go out for a drink. compare that to my senior year self, and you wouldn't believe it was darren. i truly was a boisterous young fellow. not many people know where that blog title came from. its because (a loosely remembered story that i'm sure keven will correct me on) when sarah begley wanted me to go to the bar on a thursday night i said i didn't want to go. she called me boring and old and i replied that i was a boisterous young fellow.
i was being silly but i did try in the end of the year to start doing more events instead of going to bed. well, when you're desperate for friends and social interaction, theres a fire lit under your butt. or my butt. it really worked. i was a completely different person this summer from ever before. i spent money without worrying about if i should be saving for something better. i just said, fun now is the way to go. i made the friends and i tried to learn game.
C all summer i've been trying to walk a fine line about telling you about my escapades. it wouldn't be right to tell you about a hook up in detail, so i haven't. it also is something that i started this blog to force myself to do more of (put myself out there in terms of girls). i'm an amazingly outgoing person, too much in many situations this summer. james didn't believe me (until he witnessed) when i said i was bad with girls because of how i was willing to do such out there things. and he's right, i should be better. but i'm not. and i wanted to work on that this summer. so i wrote about it in the blog to kind of let it be known that i had a goal set and so i couldn't hide from it. this process was slower than all the others. there was the marine biologist masters student that seemed to really like me and was really pretty and continued dancing with me even when she had the opportunity to escape. if that happened this past saturday, i would 100% have gotten her number, and 80% likely would have asked her out. back then, i made up an excuse and i ran away. gradually i got better at it until i could get numbers without freezing up. then i realized i was actually supposed to CALL the girl. dumbass. so then i started going on dates. some of these i told you about, others i didn't. but the whole time, keeping you in the loop was a way to force me to be more bold. by the end of the summer, i had a crazy ass date with a girl. that post was about a week ago. i have many different feelings about that post now. while its true i should take away things like, try your best to give clear signals, i think some of the things she asked of me weren't fair. i had deep feelings for my ex and it worked in part because i was fully upfront and was myself with her and (i hope) she was ok and in fact liked me for that. i'm fine putting on nice clothing and doing a little dance to woo the girl if thats the game i have to play, but i should be allowed to be me. theres a great "this american life" about the numbers of love, and how statistically, there are like 10s or even 100s of people in the world that you would be compattible enough to be in love with. its not exactly great for the princess bride 'true lub' idea but it fits a little better with this engineer's brain. anyways, i should be able to be me for the most part and still be appreciated. so, i didn't need the girl from last week. i was trying to force the dating with the girl cause i was trying to learn dating again. she seemed a fit, but really wasn't good for me, so i shouldve left it alone. another goood lesson. but i majorly digress. what was i talking about? O, that i've come a long way with girls. ya. i have. fuck. i'm definitely not an author.
the last note to make is that i realized i was correct in realizing i'm not capable of a one nighter. it would take a certain drunk and she would have to fling herself at me into a cab. i might also have to hit my head getting into that cab. like i said, the stars need to align. but i can't do it. at least not yet.
in the next days i'm going to decide if i'll continue the blog going forward at dartmouth. its not going to be as exciting (i imagine) because i'll be working my ass off. but i have to think about it. let me know what you think.
thanks for listening guys
love, darren
*EDIT*
summer in review
this summer, i wanted to accomplish the following things
(in order of importance)
A) get over my sorrow of leaving college. friends are great and they'll be great when i see them next, but i needed boston people. make friends and have fun with them in and around boston
B) have the city experiance i've always wanted to have, even if i'm not in NYC. take the subway places, go on adventures, swim in the atlantic, do some shit
c) get up to a semiproficient or perhaps moderately functional level at meeting and flirting and persuing girls. get comfortable getting numbers, asking them on dates, making advances, and if the stars alligned, have a one night stand. just cause i never believed i had the capacity to do it.
d) develop skills and find out if small company work is what i want to do. do a project big enough to feel like i contributed. get paid enough to buy a nice camera by the end of the summer. then go take some amazing boston photos and really get into photography as a hobby
e) make friends with the ex girl, as a sign of being fully moved on
f) don't die in the big city
lets see where i ended up
F was a resounding success, though there were a couple nights it couldve gone either way
E was a failure, but thats okay, i can at least recognize that deep feelings take a while to pass. still would like them to pass faster, but i can realize whats going on. this one will come
D was pretty good. of all the ways the internship could have gone, i am extremely happy about it. i got some good small lessons out of it, but primarily it reaffirmed that i want to start a company that changes the world for some group of people. money will come i'm not worried, but working for a company that was developing a medical device that could save peoples lives as opposed to help them grow a virtual cow and buy a virtual plow to clean its virtual crap - i don't want anything to do with that. even if it does supposedly maybe make them a tiny bit happier. the job helped me realize what sorts of things i have left to learn from school and how critical going back is, even if i really don't want to. oh, i spent way way too much money over the course of the summer to buy the camera. but it was worth it. i don't have photos, but i wouldn't have had the memories of which to capture
i'm going to skip C for a second
B was another complete and total success. i rode the bus to virtually everywhere. by the end of the summer i had actually stopped using my car for everything. i bussed for groceries, to the dance place, to kickball, everything. i love boston for having cambridge and then having boston. downtown boston, while not even 1/2 manhattan, gave me the dense area of a big city, even if in a tiny tiny part. cambridge gave me the middlesize city where there are sections of just 2 story houses that you can take a breather at while walking around the bustle. i know manhattan well enough to know its gogogo and you have to adjust to it. i would love to live there someday, but i think boston was a good stepping stone to that. there were peripheral parks that i came upon and squares for sitting around in (boston is the city of squares i like say, because everything revolves around a square).
A friends. ha. no one will replace the kevens and peri's of my life. but the jun and the doctor now have special spots too. just to name a few. i was the baby of the group, and got called on it many times, but found that these 10 or 15 new buddies were fun and exciting and their age meant nothing. now, did it mean caitlyn never felt threatened by me? yes, but in truth most girls realize i'm a friendzone master and feel unthreatened just the same. my friends this summer were 25-31 for the most part. and the only time i ever thought about that fact was when they made fun of ME for being young. these were just my buddies. and boy did we have some crazy times. they helped me get over the dispare of not having my closest 20 friends within a 10 minute walk in any direction. they could be a 20 minute commute and it worked out just fine, so long as everyone is willing to meet up. i think only 1 or 2 times ALL FUCKING SUMMER did i say, no, i'm too tired to go out for a drink. compare that to my senior year self, and you wouldn't believe it was darren. i truly was a boisterous young fellow. not many people know where that blog title came from. its because (a loosely remembered story that i'm sure keven will correct me on) when sarah begley wanted me to go to the bar on a thursday night i said i didn't want to go. she called me boring and old and i replied that i was a boisterous young fellow.
i was being silly but i did try in the end of the year to start doing more events instead of going to bed. well, when you're desperate for friends and social interaction, theres a fire lit under your butt. or my butt. it really worked. i was a completely different person this summer from ever before. i spent money without worrying about if i should be saving for something better. i just said, fun now is the way to go. i made the friends and i tried to learn game.
C all summer i've been trying to walk a fine line about telling you about my escapades. it wouldn't be right to tell you about a hook up in detail, so i haven't. it also is something that i started this blog to force myself to do more of (put myself out there in terms of girls). i'm an amazingly outgoing person, too much in many situations this summer. james didn't believe me (until he witnessed) when i said i was bad with girls because of how i was willing to do such out there things. and he's right, i should be better. but i'm not. and i wanted to work on that this summer. so i wrote about it in the blog to kind of let it be known that i had a goal set and so i couldn't hide from it. this process was slower than all the others. there was the marine biologist masters student that seemed to really like me and was really pretty and continued dancing with me even when she had the opportunity to escape. if that happened this past saturday, i would 100% have gotten her number, and 80% likely would have asked her out. back then, i made up an excuse and i ran away. gradually i got better at it until i could get numbers without freezing up. then i realized i was actually supposed to CALL the girl. dumbass. so then i started going on dates. some of these i told you about, others i didn't. but the whole time, keeping you in the loop was a way to force me to be more bold. by the end of the summer, i had a crazy ass date with a girl. that post was about a week ago. i have many different feelings about that post now. while its true i should take away things like, try your best to give clear signals, i think some of the things she asked of me weren't fair. i had deep feelings for my ex and it worked in part because i was fully upfront and was myself with her and (i hope) she was ok and in fact liked me for that. i'm fine putting on nice clothing and doing a little dance to woo the girl if thats the game i have to play, but i should be allowed to be me. theres a great "this american life" about the numbers of love, and how statistically, there are like 10s or even 100s of people in the world that you would be compattible enough to be in love with. its not exactly great for the princess bride 'true lub' idea but it fits a little better with this engineer's brain. anyways, i should be able to be me for the most part and still be appreciated. so, i didn't need the girl from last week. i was trying to force the dating with the girl cause i was trying to learn dating again. she seemed a fit, but really wasn't good for me, so i shouldve left it alone. another goood lesson. but i majorly digress. what was i talking about? O, that i've come a long way with girls. ya. i have. fuck. i'm definitely not an author.
the last note to make is that i realized i was correct in realizing i'm not capable of a one nighter. it would take a certain drunk and she would have to fling herself at me into a cab. i might also have to hit my head getting into that cab. like i said, the stars need to align. but i can't do it. at least not yet.
in the next days i'm going to decide if i'll continue the blog going forward at dartmouth. its not going to be as exciting (i imagine) because i'll be working my ass off. but i have to think about it. let me know what you think.
thanks for listening guys
love, darren
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